How to be a modern man

We live in challenging times for gender identity. When I grew up there was a clear code for how men should behave. Separate social rules for men and women.

There was a strong narrative around being a man. The term "Go on, be a man" didn't carry a question mark.

Gender roles in life were clear. It was simple but not easy. It didn't cater for different interpretations of being a man, or for those who were questioning their identity as a man.

It had no place for softness, weakness, vulnerability.

Today, we live in times of greater choice, greater freedom, a definite relaxing on the virtues of manhood. Perhaps for many however a feeling of confusion, uncertainty, disbelief, disconnect and discontent. Change is hard and especially so when it challenges such ingrained, trained beliefs from our earliest years.

Well, rather than dwell on it, as a 52 year old, white, middle class, male, I thought I'd put down my reflections on what I think it important in being a man in modern life.

My top tips for being a modern man.

(Please add your tips in the comments down the bottom).

1. Graciously accept changing social norms while remaining true to who you are, your values and standards, for you, not others. You can open the door for someone out of respect, it's their choice to appreciate it.

2. Train your mind. Flip the focus from physical strength to mental fitness. A modern man spends a lot of time working their brain, absorbing and interpreting information. Mental fitness is critical to thrive in modern life.

4. Honour your ancestors sacrifices by not being a slave to the system. Don't get sucked into marketing. Play your own game, not someone else's. Do your research, make choices for YOUR mind and body that are in your best interest. Make conscious choices for a healthier, happier life.

8. Lend a hand. Our male ancestors were providers and protectors of families, mates and communities. Give back to others, help, support, defend those in need.

6. Show kindness and compassion. In a selfish world, this is the only way to have peace in our lives.

2. Challenge yourself. You are worth far more than the easy path has to offer. You are capable of amazing things, push yourself, explore the limits of your capability.

3. Stop a while. Breathe. Look around. Smell. Taste. Feel. Hear. A rich life is one where your senses fully engage with your surroundings. Reconnect your senses, all of them. Experience life through all five senses and you'll have much greater richness in everything you do.

9. Connect with nature. For 300,000+ years your ancestors were born into nature, grew up in nature, matured in, studied, reproduced in, lived, thrived and died in nature. Get outdoors. Embrace the natural elements. Wind down your windows, breathe it in, smell it, feel it, taste it. Look after it.

11. Move more. A modern man recognises that his body works better when it moves, just as our ancestors did. Move in as many ways as you can. Free up your joints, your muscles, your limbs, your organs, move more.

21. Don't expect order. Life changes quickly, it doesn't care for your structured plan, your sequenced events, your perfect pattern of things. Embrace chaos, uncertainty, irregularity. Train your mind and body, it will cope with whatever life throws at it, just as your ancestors have done.

13. Embrace. Adapt. Let go. Move on. Don't dwell on the past for you can't change it anymore than your ancestors could.

14 Love someone or something. Don't hold back, don't be scared, don't push people away through fear of being hurt. Have courage. Throw yourself into love, boots and all. It doesn't need to be romantic love, it just needs to be that unconditional care and concern for someone else. Chose the right person and what you give, you will receive. You may get it wrong and be with the wrong person. If so, move on quickly. If not, dig in. Embrace it. Let go of fear. Cherish it, for it, like everything in life, will not last forever. Love for today.

Be strong, be true to yourself, build confidence in self and others. Live with kindness and compassion for all living things.

While the world may feel uncertain right now, the only thing we can do is be our best. Some days that's easy and some days that's hard. We will succeed and fail in equal measure and it's the contrast between the two that gives life meaning.

We should strive for success but be mindful and deliberate about our understanding of what success is.

For me success changed over the years. From an early quest for adventure when I was younger, to money and status, family, security in my 30's and 40's to more social change and meaning now. Who knows what the next decade will bring for me and for you.

I wish you only the very best.

Remember that whatever is behind you does not define who you are and who you will be.

Aim to be the best version of yourself and life a meaningful life.

Go well.

Troy

Wellteam Founder.